***Warning – I have learned how to insert GIF images in to my blog!!!!

One of the hardest things about writing a blog is you need to have actually done something, ANYTHING, so you have a topic to write about. This becomes very difficult when you work from home, are encouraged to stay at home because of nasty viruses, and have to share a home with spouses and pets.

It’s been forty-two days since I last posted a blog…..blimey o’reilly, how is that possible? Well, it is. And this blog will probably put you to sleep as it will be soooo boring….. – oops, I passed out…

Gump Garden Report – the stupid tomatoes are seemingly growing taller and Gump has spent possibly more time in conversation with them than with his poor, long-suffering missus (yours truly). I have listened to him bemoan the stress he suffers from worrying about the bloody plants, and I think if he just stopped fiddling with them, they might actually grow better. His cucumbers are happy, and the basil is going great guns. Bell peppers and the spicy whatever the hell they are called type of peppers are also thriving.

Jude Garden Report– I have 2 old pots with old mouldy potatoes from the grocery store which I planted. They have sprouted and seem to be growing very well, but I have no idea if there are any spuds in there, but the leaves look quite nice.

Scout the Wonder dog Garden Report – She has christened every living inch of the yard, and despite my encouragement has yet to sh*t on the tomatoes….damn.

I haven’t killed Gump yet, though I have a million times in my mind. Since he is home so much, I have tried to embrace the sudden increase in cooking, not to mention dirty dishes. In order to accommodate, I have reluctantly stopped doing most of the housework, due to the exhaustion of my kitchen duties. 😊 The good news is I am washing my hair more often, though I freely confess if you saw me, you would not be able to tell whether it was night or day…the outfits are the same. If I have to start wearing real clothing again, I might need to look up on Youtube how to do up a zipper. Thank God Ellen de Generes hasn’t surprised me with one of her televised visits. All things considered, I would be a great before and after model to advertise Gillette Razor blades…okay maybe not any ‘after’ pictures. Seriously, my legs look like they have Velcro on them.

Every day feels like a Sunday. Aren’t we all in this freaky time warp since the nasty bug came to town? It’s like hospital time, where clocks don’t matter, only this is worse because there’s never a shift change. I see Nurse Scout and Doctor Gump every day…….every….single….day

But I really can’t complain (oops, better erase the entire blog so far) – I do feel very fortunate because we are not ill, starving, or homeless, and if we do get sick with this horrid stuff, we can at least go to the doctor’s – though we might not be able to afford the deductible……

So the biggest of big news in our house is that the Gumpster got laid off – between the Covid crap and the drop in oil prices, he was one of many who have lost their jobs. The upside is we have so many less responsibilities than some. We are lucky our kids are raised and gone, we are not paying back college tuition (helps that I didn’t go-which explains my crap grammar/spelling in this blog…hee hee) and we are not buried in debt because we’re old and have had loads of time to pay things off. Gump is still a bit shell-shocked, although he is adapting very well. So now I have both Gump and Scout the wonder dog to distract me from writing my best-selling novel. Oh well, it’s the way it goes I s’pose.

And now dog stuff – We have become dog park attendees. It’s a new world folks. It reminds me of the days long ago when I took my kids to soccer practice. The kids (dogs) run around like crazy, and then won’t come to you when you tell them it’s time to go home. We take Scout the WD because she has to socialize with other dogs- she does so very cautiously and it picky who she sniffs…she is more interested in hanging out with the humans. Consequently, everyone at the dog park knows her, and they all think she’s a he because of her name – Scout – now call me crazy, but I picked her name for 3 reasons

1. It’s a cool name
2. John was a boy Scout leader and his kids were Eagle scouts
3. It’s the name of the main character in To Kill a Mockingbird

But still, they think she’s a boy -she doesn’t care though. Going to a dog park is weird. We’ve met all these very nice people, who like to sit/stand around and talk about….dogs.

Look, I’m as fond of our canine friends as the next person, and you can put them in outfits, cuddle them, buy them toys but they are still dogs. By that, I mean there’s not much to say really? Yes we love them, yes they’re our babies, but I’m sorry, when I go to the dog park and chat with other owners, I really don’t care that Poopsy (is that a girl or a boy?) prefers kibble to canned food. I want to know what Poopsy thinks about the economy, unemployment, Scooby-Doo? Seriously, it’s like a throwback to the PTA meetings I used to skip, I just don’t get it or speak the lingo.

And there’s a doggie park clique…I kid you not, it’s a who’s who of dog parks. Me, Gump and Scout the WD have formed our own. We like to think we are cool. Most of the time we’re there, we feel nervous and just hope she doesn’t do anything icky that we have to pick up with a plastic bag.

And that’s our world at the moment. Unemployed, doing chores, going to the dog park, mowing, and cooking….and cooking…..

I’m trying to be creative and work on many writing projects – but it’s tough. I have such a hard time sitting down and focusing on words. Sometimes I fall asleep staring at the screen…oh wait…that’s what I do after eating too many pieces of chocolate….scratch that….anyway, as I was saying, it is hard NOT getting easily distracted…..squirrel…..

It’s bloody hot. I don’t know why July arrived in May, but it did. I’ve already begun lamenting the fact we do not have a pool. In all the years I have lived in Oklahoma, I have never lived in a house with a swimming pool. I know there are millions of people all over the world who can say the same thing, but this is my blog, so I get to bitch about it here.

Gump doesn’t care about pools. He only cares about growing tomatoes, and anytime I say we should think about getting a pool someday (when we have a paycheck) he always says no, and likes to bring up the fact we have a septic tank. That’s because we are country folk. Back in the pre-Gump era, I didn’t have to think about cess-pools, I just flushed, and the City handled everything from that point on.

When we moved out to Debtwood, my first scary experience as a septic tank owner was on Christmas Day. Our first Christmas as a blended family. Gump, me, four kids, their etals, in-laws, out-laws oh, and some dogs. We had about 14 extra bodies sleeping here (all out of towners) when sometime after ingesting lots of turkey, dressing, pies, and alcohol, our 5 toilets…yes, that’s correct, five toilets, all decided to back up. Fourteen people with full bellies, and nowhere to do the things one usually needs to do.

We were novice septic tank owners, and apparently ours had never been emptied, or been put to the test of fourteen active bottoms. You can imagine….or maybe you would rather not. We all had to visit the local Quicktrip until we could get someone out to empty the tank. Charming right?

I wish I had a pool.

My debut novel ‘The Secret of Mowbray Manor’ finally came out….. HOORAY…and I’ve been loving the feedback. Big big thanks to all the wonderful people who have bought it…. if you want to read about it look under the tab that says MY BOOKS – Unfortunately, I can’t really celebrate and have a book signing party because I want everyone to stay healthy. Perhaps I will be able to do that down the road? I’d have a big gathering here…..but we have a septic system 😊

Well folks, that’s all my brain can handle for now. I apologize for it being less than fascinating. Thanks for taking the time to read this and much love to you and yours in these troublesome times.

Jude