Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down

posted in: Gump, Holidays | 0

Friday already…..funny how the weeks are just speeding up as we get towards the end of the year. It is as though Father Time knows we are not even slightly ready to cook a sodding Turkey, and start that bloody awful Christmas shopping stuff….ugh….I, however, will not have to deal with it as I am going to Denver for Thanksgiving (hooray). Christmas…hah, it’s all about the gift cards this year baby!. My stress level will be ‘oh, which design of gift card shall I pick?’…sounds like a plan to me.

It has been another rough week in the land of Jude. Many friends have listened to me whine repeatedly all week long, and for that, I thank you all for your gift of patience, (even if you do have ear plugs in your ears). I ARE strong, but sometimes, even tough, bitchy, ex-field hockey players like yours truly, start to wobble a la Weeble……However, the week has ended, and I am still on my two feet…although it is only 6:62 a.m., maybe I should check back with you all later……..okay, see, I put 6:62 I have really lost it…….

Stinky Sam Report….sleeping…snoring…scratching (but not for long because when he scratches, he can’t balance on his remaining three skinny legs and he also does the Weeble thingy). Sam is like all males, he is fickle. He often spends weekends with the other woman in his life, my mother-in-law Rachel. Whenever Rachel comes over to my house, the stinkmeister just sits at her feet, ogling her with big (excuse the saying) puppy-dog eyes and looks all goofy. I act like I don’t mind in the least……But I get him back for it later…hahaha…I make him wait longer for his dinner.

Gump report. He has narrowly escaped peril at the hands of moi, on countless occasions. He opens his eyes every day, and just like your twelve year old, he starts to think of what he can do to annoy me. It is to the point where I punch him, because I can actually HEAR him thinking.

Yep, guilty on all counts. But he has tried very hard to be kind to me this week while I have been Weebling. The problem is he is so bad at being ‘sensitive’, that I almost get more depressed. But I guess the upside is while I am in complete amazement thinking about the latest ‘wrong’ thing he says, I am being distracted from the sad things in my head…..I just wish he would lose the Gomer Pyle accent, he always says yisterdi instead of yesterday, and it drives me NUTS.

Pirate Report. Still a hormone-patch-wearing mother. It has helped global warming (yep, it was me all along melting the ice caps), and probably aided Gump as he’s remained alive and kicking. I still get the damn thing stuck to my finger before it adheres to my tumtatumtum, but as long as it isn’t stuck in my hair (like most others things get) then I am ahead of the game. Still looking for Peter Pan. Still want to buy a ship with a Jolly Roger flag.

Happy Birthdays to my buddies Ursula, Anita, Paula, Janet & Maz. Maz is a Brit friend, and she, Jezz, Maria and myself, stuffed our faces at Kilkenny’s on her birthday, fish and chips all around. It was delicious! I think we got on everyone’s nerves there, as we were a bit loud and giggly…I know the other patrons looked at us and said to one another “can you believe those women over there are pretending to be English?”…..

Notable moments in history this week

  • Little Georgie Porgie got christened….awwwwww
  • Gump lived another week
  • Stinky-Sam had one night snore-free
  • I was nice
  • I went an entire day without chocolate
  • The world did not end
  • One man, somewhere, put the seat down after peeing

Alas dear friends, that is all I can muster from the deep depths of my gut. My giggle button is a little off-centre at the moment, so I hope you are not all disappointed in my lack of humour. I promise to return next week with a host of witty and amusing anecdotes that I shall jot down as the week progresses….I swear the Pirate’s oath I will!

Oh, don’t forget to ‘like’ me on twitter and facebook……..actually scratch that because I don’t belong to either, just always wanted to write it……

Have a most glorious weekend all – I am trekking off to Arkansas, so hopefully will have a leafy picture to post next week.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Jude the grateful…..