Gump and I lived on the east side of the river before we got together and married. I lived in a small 1930’s abode, cute, clean, and happy (think Pleasantville). He lived in a 1960’s ranch style home, furnished with patio furniture, a dark and gloomy place I christened ‘the Batcave’ – Our tastes in décor, lighting and paint were poles apart, but we both loved working in the yard (although mine looked much better)…..and the soil was rich and bountiful.
When we became a couple, we bought a house on the west side of the river and moved. Much to Gump’s frustration, the grass did not flourish, and the dirt was sandy and grainy. Plants did not grow as abundantly as in our other homes’ yards, nor did they prosper. According to Farmer Gump, it was all about the lack of water.
Gump spent arduous hours digging trenches and laying hoses underground to reach our flower beds. And it was a clever idea, because as the summers passed, our flowers were sated and happy. But the grass still died. Until this year, when Gump finally declared he’d had enough, he wanted to get a sprinkler system installed.
We went to the massive Home & Garden show to look for candidates to do the job, but there was only ONE vendor in the entire place. We quickly got his info and had him come out to our house for an estimate. A deal was struck. Two weeks later, the guys arrived to do the job.
Unlike the plumbers that had spent weeks at my house, these guys were not as friendly. They looked a bit scary and didn’t smile much, so I didn’t offer them cookies and banana bread (like the others) – I just showed them a bathroom they could use. They worked very hard that day, and almost finished, but had to come back the next morning to complete the install.
And they did come back, bright and early, one of them knocking furiously on the front door! He anxiously pointed towards the end of my driveway, where a strange, dirty SUV had pulled in, apparently in distress as one of the tires had collapsed underneath the vehicle. I could see that the driver was a young woman. But the two sprinkler workers were agitated and bothered….the two rough, intimidating, tobacco spitting guys looked sheepishly over their shoulders and told me “The girl driving the vehicle is kinda rough, an’ we really don’t wanna mess with her.”
And they were not exaggerating, not one little-bitty bit. The word ‘meth’ popped into my head as the girl turned to talk to me when I approached. She appeared to be under the influence of….something….and she told me that her boyfriend had walked off and left her to sort out her flat tire (they had been fighting). She had no spare, no jack, no money, no home, and no hygiene. Great – 7:30 in the morning and I have this really strange girl at my home – and an ex-con to boot…..she told me she’d only gone to jail over a misunderstanding due to her feeling so upset about her previous boyfriend getting killed…..huh??? I glanced around for the re-assurance of the sprinkler boys being close…..they were far away, hurrying to finish their job so they could get the hell out of there and away from the creepy girl.
She ended up being at the end of my driveway for three long hours……I wanted to help her, felt really bad not doing more, but what was I to do? Give her money? Invite her in so she could check out the contents of the house? I’m all for helping my fellow man, but the signs here were not good, and I’ve been burned one too many times to be taken in. I decided to play it safe, protect my house, and let her get it sorted out…she didn’t appear to have a lot….but she had a really flashy iPhone. .. Eventually someone showed up and hooked her up with a tire. Sprinkler boys and me (now bonded and close friends) breathed a mutual sigh of relief at her departure. It was such an odd start to the day. But the guys finished the install, Gump came home to see how to make the sprinkler work, and life returned to normal again.
Gump was so excited to have a sprinkler system to keep the grass green, finally! But before he had a chance to watch it in action, it rained. And then it rained some more. And then it kept on raining. Then we had flooding. Then it poured. And then it rained. He has yet to turn on the sprinkler………..
I’m way behind writing the blog as I’ve been working a contract job for the past three weeks…Wow, what a change! I’ve learned that in the fifteen months since I was laid-off…..
- I don’t know how to dress appropriately for an office
- I can’t get through an entire day without eating at least one bag of gummy worms
- I never, ever,ever,ever want to work full-time again
- I have forgotten how to deal with people in a civilized way
It is rather extraordinary how my office skills – like my waistline – have diminished so quickly. My outfit choices are shocking – I have two kinds of pants for work, both with elasticated waistlines (otherwise known as sweatpants.) I have two styles to pick from – scruffy… and then those good enough to wear to the grocery store. My shoes are mostly flip flops or sandals, and the only professional item I own is a decent handbag.
But it’s been fun being out in public once again. I’d forgotten there were such things as conversation, office gossip, office politics, business hours and rush-hour. And there’s something quite liberating in the knowledge that you haven’t had to go against your personal ethics and beliefs to keep your job. I feel very fortunate. The fact that I have worked all my life allows me to appreciate the way things are now, and to respect all of you out there still working your arses off to pay the mortgage, get medical coverage and send the kids to college. Obviously, none of my friends are politicians……
Gump’s been rather quiet lately. He’s been in work-mode practically all the time, well that and sulking about not using the sprinkler. But at least his face lights up when he looks at his tomato plants, and I get all nostalgic, because I remember when he used to look at me that way. He’s also discovered a new lunch treat, which is comparable to a small child seeing a rainbow….. Reasor’s (a grocery store here in Tulsa) makes fresh sandwiches, and that makes Gump so happy, because he can buy a sub sandwich as big as his arm for seven bucks. He is such a complicated guy right?
Poor old Gump has been working SO much. Sometimes I wonder if he’s been reading this blog and stays away on purpose so that I won’t have as much material to write here. But I know better. He doesn’t ever read this blog….. but he might if it were about tomatoes.
I am so depressed that Easter has passed, and all the Cadbury mini-eggs have disappeared from the stores. However, my pancreas is pleased and has begun working properly, so I guess that’s an upside to it all. However, I did find some mini-eggs on clearance at Joanne’s Fabric Store yesterday, I would never have put sewing thread and Cadbury’s in the same place, but life’s like that sometimes. Heck of a deal.
This week, both cars that I own are in the shop. I have begun to suspect that my cars conspire to do this secretly, just to piss me off, because it is inevitable that when one car is down and out, the other follows suit.
I should point out that both vehicles are extremely antiquated – like their owner. One is a little red convertible. The mechanic said he needed to hang onto that car for another day – I’m not suspicious by nature – but his keeping the car seems to coincide with the first decent weather we’ve had in weeks…well at least someone will be enjoying it!
Weight update……..I’ve managed to keep the weight I lost from jumping back onto my body. Pretty amazing for me actually. I have enjoyed being able to wear some outfits that had been relegated to the back of my closet. One unexpected bonus of my slimming down a tad is that I can see my toes again! It’s not that great as I’d forgotten how ugly and weird they were, but I guess it’s nice being able to reach them.
I actually attribute my weight loss to the depressing state of my digestive system. I know my mum (who had lots of tummy trouble) is somewhere looking down on me laughing her arse off. And I deserve her mocking me after the grief I used to give her whenever we planned our excursions, the routes specifically laid out by easy access to public toilets. I can’t tell you how many times I broke the speed limit to get her somewhere before it was too late….. not to mention the few times that we didn’t make it. On those desperate occasions, some poor, unsuspecting person traveling along with us (usually my younger son David) had to donate an item of clothing for their regal and stoic grandmother to wear home. My mother the Duchess in hiking shorts was an interesting vision….as was my poor son, relegated to the backseat of the car wearing only boxers. Personally my sympathy lay with the cleaner emptying the trash at whatever bathroom we’d finally commandeered……..We can never show our faces in San Antonio again…….So yeah, mum’s looking down at me and grinning that wicked grin she had………It’s payback time for me.
Quick report before I go ……..No rain in the forecast this weekend…finally! Enjoy the sunshine folks!
Jude