The other day a charming man passed me on the highway, and called me the female parent of someone having sex because I wasn’t going fast enough for him. It was funny really, because I was going way over the speed limit, I was just annoyed with him for riding my bumper, so I didn’t move out of his way and truthfully, I was looking for a fight….His anger was massive…..and it got me thinking how much male road-rage parallels female menopause. The same quick rise to anger, bordering on murderous rage seems very similar to that of the male species on the road. How can hormones make your mood that wild? I mean, if you think about it, the same huge rush of emotion that drives your temper to new found heights could be much better utilized if it drove your appetite for food to new found lows……why is it that when we get a huge rush of emotion, it is usually to the negative and not to the power of getting thinner? I ponder this bizarre shift with not only my mid-life but my midsection, and the new spare tire I carry at all times. The fact that I no longer remember authors, movie titles and my own children’s names, but can remember what my husband said five years ago that really pissed me off, is becoming a source of consternation for me.
I don’t know what year man stepped foot on the moon, who was president when, and at what age my kids became potty trained, but I can tell you how much milk is left in the fridge (about a 1/4 of a gallon). Apparently this phenomenon will actually become worse as I float through my fifties. Not only will I watch gravity pull every jiggly bit toward the ground, but I will also feel each tendril and synapse in my head ping apart with a snap. Perhaps the slow loss of brain power will cause me to not realize that my face is beginning to look like a prune, and that I now have an extra chin. Maybe I won’t dwell on the fact that if I stood on the roof and flapped my arms, the ‘wings’ of flesh I have sprouted might keep me airborne…… Really, it is all too much to think about. I am going to have to stop here and wait for my hot flash to pass…….. Mad Jude