posted in: Animals, Gump | 0

Another week draws to a close. It has been a good week for me, as Forrest the Gumpmeister has been in Alaska all week….yup, Alaska, the last wild frontier. He goes every year to fly fish for salmon. It sounds like a really great time. They fly out to a remote area; they get up early in the morning and dress in a few layers of clothes. They eat, fart, grunt, and then drive somewhere even more remote. They park, then hike about three miles through bear infested forests, and then arrive at a pristine river in the middle of bumfudge Alaska, where they grapple against nature as they try to catch a large fish on a piece of string with a deadly hook that usually ends up in the Gumpster’s finger.

They do this for approximately 10 hours, and then return to their lair where they eat, fart and grunt. This is Forrest’s idea of a perfect vacation, and also the reason we do not vacation together.

Oh but I have enjoyed my peace and solitude! Although I do have Stinky Sam to keep me company, and I have to admit that his snoring during the night makes me think that Gump is still home. It is good to have the protection of a dog when you are home alone. The only problem with Sammy is he is pretty deaf, and you can step on his head (which I did the other night) and he doesn’t bat an eyelid, just keeps on snoring. As I type this, he has released something into the atmosphere that is reminiscent of something that died eons ago……the kind of odor that makes you scared to breathe, in case it attacks your organs like acid…..another reminder of the Gump.

I made a HUGE list of things I would do with my free week! Shave my legs, get a pedicure, have a massage, lose ten pounds, walk every day, catch up on reading, write two more chapters of my book, donate a kidney, invent a cure for the common cold, but alas – I have accomplished very little. However I have eaten exceedingly well, and enjoyed many lunches and dinners with girlfriends, which has reminded me how much I enjoyed being single.

I weighed in just now and am happy to report that I have gained a pound….hardly surprising considering the fact that I have had countless social engagements this week. Fortunately, autumn is approaching, and with that the joyous reunion of me and my fat clothes! Layering is a chubs best friend (hooray) and I can’t wait to start hiding this body, I just wish that come spring I could shed the layers and emerge like a butterfly…..we all know that ain’t gonna happen…..oh well, at least I am not alone.

As I write this, I have to honest, because all the people that read this are people that know me and are also people I consider to be my friends. Last night when I wrote what you have just read, I got a phone call that made me sad. I don’t want to write about it, but I am struggling to be ‘witty’ this morning. But I promised myself I would send this blog every Friday, and so I am going to send it, even though it isn’t very long. I know you will all understand, and I will be back to my obnoxious self next Friday!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone, enjoy being alive!