Punk or Princess?

posted in: Age, British, Gump | 0

This week I got to be eleven. I went with two dear friends to see the movie ‘Beauty and the Beast.’

It was like role reversal for me. Back a hundred years ago, I went to an ‘R’ rated movie (A Clockwork Orange) when I was 14….and they thought I was 18 (it was the boobs). Fast forward 43 years…….this time I went to a kids’ movie and I’m 57…. I didn’t even have a grandkid with me. Yep, I’m living on the edge folks.

Gump is in farmer heaven – roughly translated, that means he’s planted all his tomato and pepper plants, and sown his seeds (as in Basil….I’m not pregnant). This year, he was only going to plant 6 plants (all different varieties). But we are already up to 12.

But at least he’s a happy camper. So much so, that Gump’s coming home earlier than usual from the office, just to look at them. I’d probably freak out if he started whistling as well.

He wanders down to the garden to stare at his babies…and I wonder if he sees any difference from day to day? Doubtful, it’s just another opportunity to get mud all over my kitchen floor though.

There are two horses in a field, behind our yard. Last year, Gump thought he’d play Dr. Doolittle and fed them both a carrot, and he did it a couple of times. Typical Gump move, because now, Stormy and Patriot make a beeline to the fence if they so much as spy me in the yard. As Gump is too busy talking to his plants, I have now become the official carrot woman. Sometimes, they are already waiting at the fence when I get up in the morning….Gump has created yet ANOTHER job for me….I can’t keep up with the demand, and I’m sure the cashiers at Sam’s must think I’m either a serious vegetarian, or a pervert, as I buy so many of the bloody things.

I put more purple stripes in my hair the other day, I also put purple on my shirt, the formica in the bathroom and a towel. But I love having colour in my hair – I like the attention I get – even from teenagers. I look kind of like a relic of an old punk band. If I got a tattoo, I’d look like Keith Richard’s (older) sister.

BULLETIN……I have to start a contract job in the next couple of weeks (gasp) – not forever, just to cover someone on maternity leave. In some ways, I am tempted to offer to birth the child and raise it for a month rather than work in an office again. I am rather perturbed and concerned about this change in status. It will necessitate my

  1. Getting Up
  2. Getting Dressed
  3. Working
  4. Getting along with others

I’m a little nervous about it…..but at least I’ll look very professional with my purple stripes……

On the fat front –

I’m still about 16lbs down – and that’s great….but I haven’t been able to eat a slice of bread since January….naturally my bloody favourite food has to be the one that my body hates. It’s a bitch. I still get to make toast for Gump, and I really really try not to salivate all over his food – if I do, I wipe it off – he doesn’t notice as he’s too busy staring at Lucy……ah, I haven’t told you about her have I?

So, without sounding like a snob, I really don’t think the local news in Oklahoma is very good – ok – I’m a snob, if you don’t like me, don’t read my blog…..:-)

Anyway, finally, after several years, I convinced Gump to switch to OETA at 6:00 am in the mornings, so that we can watch the BBC news (fondly referred to by Brits as ‘THE BEEB’) (see, look at all the stuff you learn on my blog)…..I digress….so we started to watch the Beeb’s news in the morning, and Gump was pretty impressed with it all. And to be fair, it does give a pretty unbiased snapshot of what’s really going on in the world as opposed to what we get to see to keep the ratings up.

The main presenter every morning is a woman called Lucy Hockins. She’s a Kiwi (that means she’s from from N.Zealand) and she’s thin. However, she has borne children, so she’s got hips and looks like she’s a bit sporty spice.

I had absolutely no idea that the Gumpster had a crush on the woman, until Lucy happened to be off the show for a few weeks. Gump was like a dog that stops eating when their owner is away. He was so disappointed…every morning he would race from the shower to put the tv on, and then his face would drop when she wasn’t on the screen.

It took him a few days to finally admit to me that he missed her. See Gump has changed. He likes women from other places (well he married me) – But now he fancies himself a man of the world, mainly because he’s been to Scotland, and ridden on the London Eye.

He also considers himself an expert on British politics as he walked past the Houses of Parliament. And let’s not forget that he is an ‘accent specialist‘, because he noticed that people sounded different in England, than they did in Scotland.

Sometimes, when I can bully him, tie him to a chair and make him watch Masterpiece Theatre, he’ll see the locations on the British programmes and he’ll ask,

“Have I been there?”

And regardless of the fact that he hasn’t, I almost always tell him that he has, wherever it may be, because I enjoy his little Rick Steves smile, and the fact that he actually left the continent (once) and I like to take all the credit for it!

Don’t you love Spring? I do. I love watching everything wake up and bloom (except Gump) and listening to all the birds. I have already mowed a couple of times and am currently planting flowers and raking leaves (STILL). I’ve almost sprained my ankle several times because of the blasted mole and armadillo holes.

Among the variety of birds that buzz around here, I have discovered that we have a resident bluebird in our front yard. It’s so beautiful! Every time I see it fly, I feel like I’m a Disney Princess, and that I should put out my hand (like Snow White) and let it sit in my palm. But then I come into the house, look in the mirror, and see I look more like a plump, punk fairy-godmother.

I hope you are all doing your Easter shopping. If you have noticed a shortage of Cadbury’s mini eggs, it’s my fault. I don’t think I have EVER eaten this many before. In fact, it is 8:26 am as I write this, and I have already eaten 10 eggs, 2 hard-boiled and 8 chocolate…….gad, what to do?

Every day I open a big bag of them, eat my way through half of the bag and then become so guilt-ridden that I throw the rest of them away. This seems to work, until I go to the store and buy another bag. Really not smart, but then I never said I was….well except when I watch the BEEB.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! Jude the blobby.