For some reason I find my current situation rather amusing. It is 10:30 pm and my husband is already fast asleep. He does that ‘male’ thing where he can turn his brain dial to ‘sleep’, and be in REM land within one minute. I left him to it and decided to spend my time more productively. I watched an episode of ‘Oprah in Australia’, watered the house plants, did a load of laundry, loaded the dishwasher, made myself a cup of tea, and now finally I sit at the computer, while my feet are soaking in a nice hot bowl of water, liberally dashed with Epsom Salts. It is indeed bliss dearest readers! But then my next thought ponders the possibility that I might electrocute myself, should some random spark leap out the monitor! What a way to go! Almost as exciting as Elvis sitting on the pot…..Me, with my polka dot jammy bottoms, and orange painted toenails dangling garishly in cold water….ick. Upon reflection, it does make me chuckle, for although I am no Elvis, the thought of how my little star has fallen from that of ‘World Traveler’, to ‘Bucket o’ feet water’ and a cup of tea (not to mention the handful of Goobers I downed mid-gulp). Funny how life is like that isn’t it? One moment, I was on the parapet of an exciting life, a thin body, a good-looking boyfriend! Now I am reduced to the awful reality of a waist that measures more than my hips, a husband deep in his Indiana Jones dream, and my feet marinating in Epsom Salts….. Oh well, I suppose it can be said that I am not the only woman who ponders these things late at night. For doth not the menopausal curse #106 stateth that “Not only will you constantly hate yourself, your body, the world and also anyone under 150 pounds, but you will also suffer from insomnia, so that you can hate all of those items for twenty out of the allotted twenty-four hours in a day. And while we are at it, let us not forgeteth #234 “Your hair will thin, become grey and look like an old cat’s whiskers…this will draw even more attention to your crow’s feet, bad skin and also showcase chin #2″…. If this water wasn’t getting so cold, I might even have to list a few more of them, be glad that I will not do so at this time. Instead, I must away to the chamber of dreams, where my handsome prince is currently doing his impression of a warthog with a bad cold. If I am to get any sleep, I may have to immerse my head in this tub of water. Sweet dreams to all. Jude the clean footed…..
