Buddy can you spare a loo roll?

posted in: Animals, Health | 0
Photo by Anna Franques on Unsplash

Hello everyone – here we are in March and all starring in a bad movie.  The world has gone crazy, the stock market has gone mad, and toilet paper is the most talked-about item. Self-isolation is the new norm, and we all watch the news in abject horror at a world we don’t recognize.

We’ve all been out buying food and supplies like a Zombie Apocolypse is imminent, and frankly, it kind of feels that way doesn’t it? Our conversations consist of our concerns and worries about this nasty virus. We wonder, speculate, and theorise over things we are hearing. Although I try not to focus on just this, because I don’t want to feed my anxiety as it’s already like my stomach after an all-you-can-eat fish and chip buffet – it’s difficult not to read or watch new information. Every headline, every article is understandably consumed with CORVID-19 info, some helpful, some panic-inducing.  People are hiding stashes of hand sanitizers like drug lords.

And our medical workers? Thank God, for all the doctors, nurses, lab techs, admins…..all on the front-line, a terrifying place to be, especially without some of the critical equipment and protective gear they need. And what about all the workers in grocery stores, gas stations and all other services who are trying to keep us going with our needs, a daily battle. How can we ever thank them enough?

I know, after this is over, we should fire all the politicians (both parties) and elect some of these true heroes, who have risked their lives to help save others. These folk, in my humble opinion, have true integrity. They deserve some of the millions we pay the other guys, and the perks to go with them.

Sorry – rant over……..

Well, over the past few days, I have tried to write this post numerous times, but I’ve found it difficult. Because as much as I want to take your mind off the situation, it seems too flippant, trying to be amusing. But I don’t want to disappear and tremble in my corner of the world. I want to stay in touch with everyone, and this is the easiest way to do it as I know I can reach a lot of people. That said, I’ve got a few things already written down, so here they are.

Like practically everyone in the USA, I went to Costco. Yeah I admit that I was there, but I went to get two things – Kerrygold butter, and British pork sausages, (only sold at Costco for St. Patrick’s Day, even though they’re English sausages, and not Irish).  As for my Kerrygold…..I can rinse my derriere in the shower if I have to, but I cannot live without decent butter for my toast.

Meanwhile, life goes on at Debtwood, with the changing landscape in our lives now we have the puppy. A stubborn, bull-headed, naughty dog. And then there is Gump.  A man who single-handedly is ruining all the discipline, and training improvements I make with our new dog, Scout.  I work diligently every day, trying to teach her not to bite/be aggressive/be a pain in the arse – She is a Heeler, and has a propensity to be very stubborn and really ‘nippy’ – I want to have my grandkids retain all their fingers when they visit, so it’s pretty important she behaves, and that I am alpha. Gump walks in and plays good cop/bad cop-  Scout takes one look at him and sees a large pork chop – she launches herself at him as though she was raised by wolves and enjoys the taste of human flesh. Needless to say, I am now training both of them and buying stock in Band-Aids.

Bloody dog.  She’s thinks she’s such a bad-ass.  She trots her twelve-pound body around the yard like she’s the new boss in town. She bites at the plants and rocks, tells the patio chairs whassup, chews sticks like they’re Wrigley’s.  But when she hears a neighbourhood dog barking in the distance, she turns into a petrified canine bullet, who can practically go through any closed door in her panic to be safe.  Now I know these noisy dogs are several houses away from our yard, but in my imagination, the fact she gets so scared whenever she hears them, makes me wonder….. what could these dogs actually be saying in doggy language?

“Want some candy little puppy?”

“Why don’t you come over to my place and pee on my patio?”

“Does a Gump taste like chicken?”

Whatever it is, she doesn’t like it one bit.

Tough girl
Tough Life

The damn heating went out again, the second time in a couple of weeks, and of course, on the below-freezing day.  The house was a balmy 54 degrees, and I spent the day in a jacket with my feet on a hot water bottle (again) – The heating company we’d used, sent the same technician out as the previous time, nice guy- name of Michael.  Now I’m not saying Mikey’s spent a lot of time here, but he remembered the dog’s name, and how old she was.  He also remembered that she pees with excitement when people come in the house (which she did).  Michael knew where to get the paper towel to wipe it up, and that the spray bleach was under the sink.  Pretty funny watching this all play out while I stood there feeling like he was a new member of my family. Really glad my dog is protective though….she didn’t bark when Michael came into the house – she only barked when he left. Yep, only I could get that dog.

Random note……my editor, and good friend, Ally, told me this tidbit.

*An old superstition says if a person has 13 letters in their name, then they are bound to have the devil’s luck (cursed). Names like Charles Manson, Osama Bin Laden, Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy, Saddam Hussein and Albert De Salvo all have thirteen letters in them.

Guess what – I have 13 letters in my birth name……it explains many things in my life and my choice of husband.

I went to the movies two Fridays ago, and there were five other people there.  I felt like I was a Kardashian and had my own personal theatre, yet I still l had a much smaller arse. I bet that family has to have a boatload of toilet paper stashed in their Kardashian bathroom, and what’s the odds that they didn’t line up to buy it at Sam’s and Costco like everyone else?

It’s really tough trying to think of amusing anecdotes when the world is so topsy-turvy.  Truthfully though, it’s pretty hard for me to come up with anything funny regardless of what’s going on in the news. 

With all the unprecedented actions happening right now, (toilet paper scrambles, black market hand-sanitizer etc.), I find myself thinking more and more about my mum and dad, and the stories they told about growing up in WW2.  They both were born and raised in the London area, so there was substantial bombing around their homes. Mum used to tell us that they would sit up at night, listening to the doodle-bug bombs flying above their neighbourhood.  She told me you could hear their little motors whirring overhead, and when they suddenly cut out, the bomb would drop.  She said it was terrifying, always wondering if it would go quiet right over their house. My mum and three of her siblings were ultimately evacuated, an event she passionately hated. 

My father was a boy soldier in the military. Eventually, he was shipped off to North Africa, right at the end of the war, once he was old enough to fight.  They had so many stories they could tell, but both my parents never, ever, forgot what rationing had been like.  Once they were adults, with the war long behind them, they always kept copious amounts of food in our house, no matter what.  Their most favourite things to eat, were sweets (candy), pastries, cakes, jams, butter and always fresh fruit and veggies.  And I totally got it, because as kids, those are the things we love to eat. People of my parent’s generation in the U.K. (and other places) were denied so many luxuries, they simply weren’t available.

As I watch all the reports on tv and online, I know even though I am keeping my head straight, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit freaked out by what’s going on. Who can help but feel scared?  It gives me just a tiny taste of what it must have been like for my mum and dad, and everyone else back then.  I only hope I can be as resilient as they were.

Back in my world, Gump is still going to work.  There are only 2 other people in his office, and seeing as he practices social distancing even when there is no pandemic, he thinks he’s low-risk.  I am torn about this – in some ways, I wish Gump would just work from here, so we could form a safe little bubble.  Yet the other part of my brain wonders if the man would survive staying home – because he would drive me so bloody crazy, I might just kill him.  So perhaps in his case, the odds of getting the virus are probably more favourable to risk.

I want to send lots of love out to all my friends and family, here, and in the UK. Also, please remember the people you know who are more isolated than we are. Those in care homes, others who are currently undergoing treatment for serious illnesses, and too easily compromised to risk going anywhere. Pick up the phone, send an email or a text. It really does help.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you in the U.K. (March 22nd)

Also, I just read a post on FB from my nephew Paul, in Newcastle, England. He shared a message to the people of the UK, saying the following:

When the Corona Virus finally exhausts itself and the danger is over, let’s do something good for our country, let’s spend our holidays in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales, eat in local restaurants, buy British products, buy local meats and veggies and support local businesses. These businesses are going to find it very difficult to get back on their feet and survive without our help. They’re suffering badly now.
Our products are some of the best in the world. Our country is one of the most beautiful.

Isn’t that well said? I think we in the USA should apply the same attitude. Nice one Paul 🙂

Thank-you if you read this blog today. I know it wasn’t that interesting, or funny. But I wanted to at least say something, give you two minutes respite to think about something else. Next time, I’ll try harder to be wittier and more clever! Until then, keep yourselves safe, be kind to one another, try not to go nuts being stuck in your homes with spouses, children and pets. Take a breather and rest up some. Watch the silly movies you usually avoid, and READ!

I’ll touch base soon. And I’ll be thinking of you all.

Jude xx

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