This week I have been true to my promise and gone to all of my gym classes. During the past week, I also hurt my knee, because it finally decided it was tired of carrying the extra thirty-five pounds I have bestowed upon my frame. One day last week my knee made a yucky crunchy noise, which elicited a loud gasp of pain and an unprintable word, consequently I’ve resorted to wearing a knee-brace. Ok, I’ll admit that the brace makes me feel very sporty spice, but it makes me look like a fat, white-haired trailer-park manager, with a knee-brace she has to wear from skating one too many laps of Roller Derby. Oh well, at least I’m still going to the gym……and, to make things even better, today is also Friday, my weigh-in day…
Loss/Gain= I have gained the pound I lost last week! Seriously? So let’s recap.
- 6 workout classes
- Several miles walked
- Daily steps at 13000-18000
- Minimal chocolate intake
- No alcohol
And the bloody pound isn’t the weight of the knee-brace…dammit….Before any of you say ‘it’s just you building muscle weight’ well that’s crap, for the record….it’s all fat and blubber….and you have to trust me on that – when I jump up and down, the only body-part that doesn’t jiggle is my nose. What a bummer! Oh well – I am not going to quit this, no I am not! I’m so sick of all the dowdy fat clothes I have to wear, the ones that put an extra ten pounds on me, and can also function as a bedspread for unexpected houseguests. I hate being shaped like an upside down triangle, I hate being an indistinct white blob of middle-agedness. I will continue on this painful pilgrimage to the bony God of thinness, and I will report honest results (and failures) every sodding pound of the weigh…(good pun huh?)
When I am not depressed about being fat I watch a little television. One of the few shows I watch that isn’t on PBS with the letters BBC involved, is ‘The Voice’. Having been fortunate to grow up in the household of a successful musician, I (and my siblings) have always loved music – I wanted to be a singer as a child, did the whole miming thing with a hairbrush (yes, that’s what we did before karaoke machines) but fortunately my musical ear developed well enough to recognize that I had no business being a singer. Now each week, I’m amazed by the wonderful talent that is on ‘The Voice’. Most of the contestants can easily out-sing the judges, and I think the judges recognize that also. The banter on the show is cheesy, but still funny. Now the Gumpster pretty much rules our DVR and his tastes differ greatly in comparison to mine. He might watch PBS if there is a program about rocks, volcanoes, or glaciers and more rocks, but mostly he likes to record these shows:
- Agent Carter (Marvel)
- Gotham (Marvel)
- Grimm (Monsters)
- Anything that covers growing tomatoes
- Anything that involves aliens or spaceships
- Oklahoma Gardening (see tomatoes)
He really has a twelve year old mind encased in a sixty-year old body, but as he says “I learned everything as a kid from watching Rocky & Bulllwinkle” and as his six year long-suffering spouse, I can attest to that statement and tell you it is indeed true….(he actually owns the entire collection of the Rocky & Bullwinkle shows too)…. Anyway, Gump and I seldom watch t.v. together, he thinks all my PBS Brit shows are boring, and I think all of his shows are immature and dumb. But one day last year, he joined me and watched ‘The Voice’. He liked it! This season is Gump’s second season to watch ‘The Voice‘. He will actually sit down with me and watch the shows each week as long as they are recorded and not ‘live’. The reason for this is that Gump cannot handle seeing the contestants that don’t get a chair-turn (make the competition), fail the blind auditions and are sent home….The only way he can avoid this is to watch pre-recorded shows. In his typical, Disney ending style, he can only watch the singers that succeed and make it into the compatition. However, each time a singer makes it, every time that happy contestant runs back to their family, Gump has a little cry……it astounds me….I mean sometimes the back story on the contestants might give me a baby lump in my throat, but the Gumpmeister actually sheds a little tear EVERY time someone makes it through. But that’s not his favourite part of the show, he absolutely LOVES the way the judges verbally spar with one another. He especially likes Blake Shelton (man-crush) and thinks he is really hilarious. The other night we watched the show and I kept noticing Gump laughing at all of Blake’s comments. Well it was hard for me not to notice as Gump was not just laughing, but doing the whole Okie leg slapping thing and hooting…. and dare I say it ……hollerin’ in glee. I listened to Blake, then I listened to Gump…..both with their s-l-o-w w-a-y o-f t-a-w-k-i-n’, and I turned to Gump and said, “Oh my God, you are just like him!” Well that apparently was a HUGE compliment, because Gump (who also is known as John) literally beamed with pleasure.
“You speak just like Blake,” I added, “and you both think you are funny, so I am going to pair you with Blake Shelton, just like they do in Hollywood. You know, like Bennifer, Brangelina….I am going to put your name (John) and Blake’s together and call you JOKE.” He didn’t think that was funny, but I thought it was a stroke of genius on my part.
In all seriousness though, credit where it is due. Gump-Joke has been very supportive since I lost my job; when he gets home from work every day his face actually lights up with happiness when he sees;
- Dinner
- The newspaper
- That I have done housewifely chores
Apparently he really did worry that I might watch soap operas and eat bon-bons all day……although judging by my weight loss failures it certainly looks like that is ALL I have been doing….dammit!
For those of you local readers, isn’t the weather in Tulsa amazing this year? Who can believe we had trees blossoming in February? I have had all the blinds open in the house each day, and I am really enjoying listening to all the bird song. Unfortunately, we have one little bugger that starts singing at around 3:30 every morning – it’s not even daylight then, but this gobby bird seems to think it is. Maybe he’s on a night-shift or something? Or perhaps he is from Europe and doesn’t recognize the time difference between continents? Who knows, but it is bloody annoying. But will Gump close the bedroom windows? Of course he won’t…. he prefers that my allergies are kept in as high gear as possible, and that I am consistantly awakened each morning before dawn. This man had better hope that I do not select his nursing home….
Business stuff – Last week I told you that an email would be forthcoming about changes to my website – alas, due to my depression, bon-bon eating and soap opera watching, I am a little behind – or a big behind if I happen to be standing in front of you. I am going to work on it this afternoon (finally) – so please forgive me for being tardy. I imagine most of you have already forgotten that I said anything about anything, so my apology is probably unnecessary, but it makes me feel polite to say ‘sorry’, and nurtures my desire and hope that people actually do read this drivel.
On that note, this sentence is probably a good place to park my mouse. I wish you all a wonderful weekend. I hope you (like me) will get to go to the Tulsa Home & Garden show. I am sure I will have something to say about that next week!
Cheers!
Jude