You may not remember me, but I am the person who used to write a blog called “Life According to Jude”. I started writing the blog because I thought it would be a great beginning for my new writing career, and that it would only be a matter of time before I got a call from Harper-Collins, with massive amounts of money thrown at me for the new book I still haven’t written. Then my grandson became ill and I became sad. My silly innuendoes and attempts at humour just weren’t funny anymore, even to me…….I kept going for a little while, but eventually I just ground to a halt and gave up. I didn’t stop writing; I just stopped trying to be clever. However! Tis a new year, I have a new chin (# 3) and I AM BACK !!!!!!! Many things have occurred since my last blog. I have gained weight (say it ain’t so), but I have perfected the “It’s really just my thyroid” lie. Yet I must also attribute the increase of poundage to the jealousy I felt reading about that bloody “Pioneer Woman”, you know, the Oklahoma chick who started a blog, and is now rich and famous! Well good for her, she’ll have to go on a diet now she is famous, while I can remain chubby hahahahaha. I am not divorced (yet) – that one is pretty amazing, especially considering I am playing smack-down with menopause on a daily basis. Wow, if menopause was a physical entity, it would be an Immortal. However I try to beat it down, it always comes back stronger……ugh – of course the upside is the heating bills are cheaper since my body can keep the entire house at a balmy 71 degrees. Other news….English: “I am going home to Blighty, on holiday!” American translation: “I am going on vacation to England, to the land from whence I came” (but you have to say it like Julie Andrews) – Blimey,I haven’t been home since 2005, when I got to be best man at my cousin Graham’s wedding……yup – best man, that was one for the diary I can tell you….anyway, I am taking my husband to meet my family. We do have things a little turned around, technically he was supposed to meet them before we got married, but given the small body of water between our countries, not to mention the outrageous prices of airfare, I think my family were happy to say (please read with Julie Andrews voice).. “Oh no Jude, go ahead, we don’t mind if you do it without us”, and then they probably chuckled with relief at the presents they didn’t have to buy. I am sure they all wondered what schmuck had been suckered into the family…..the good news is now they will get to meet him! Of course going ‘home’ has brought on panic in the chubby bits department…..I find I am chewing more vigorously, swallowing quickly and raising my chocolate filled hand in forceful, calorie-burning motion! Seriously it is appalling! I will be one of those people that everyone else dreads will sit next to them on the plane! So here I am again, Jude the quiet no more…..I am going to improve my skills on the technology of blogging, so that I can just notify you when I have updated the blog. However, if any of you want to sign up to ‘follow’ me – that would be grand! I really want to give that Pioneer Woman a run for her money. Hey, you can humour me okay? The Returning Jude……
