Last week I was very confused. On Monday, my mum went back to England. As I stood at the airport, watching her go through security (after she had chatted up the guy checking I.D’s), I felt the instant sense of being alone that you can only really feel at an airport. It was almost like being back in 1968, when I was an 8 year old kid she left standing on the steps at Boarding School, only this time I wasn’t the one crying, she was.

So I went to the salon and tanned…….. and instantly felt like a woman trapped inside someone else’s skin. A healthy brown skin, but one that was a bit loose at the knees and tight everywhere else.

So I went shopping….. and instantly felt like I had no business at any store other than Sears….you know, the place where old men buy leisure suits and women buy things their grandmothers’ used to wear.

So I went home….. and I went up to my mum’s room and could still smell her perfume, okay, I really couldn’t smell hers too much, because her 75 year old boyfriend’s “Abercrombie & Fitch” cologne still permeated every pore of the room……. Tuesday I had a fight with my husband, and I felt like a victim. But then I got really pissed off and felt like the righteous bitch who will prove to him and everyone else in the world that I don’t need anyone! Wednesday I went to a funeral, and felt like I needed to hug everyone I know because I am still ALIVE!!! Thursday I had my first colonoscopy……..need I say more? Then on Friday, my two sons and my grandson Jack came into town for the weekend. I became ‘Nana’ – I forgot about the first four days of my week and focused upon keeping up with a very clever three year old. Saturday I took care of Jack while the guys were at the football game and we made cakes and bought Halloween decorations. I then felt about 100 years old because I am not used to keeping up with a very clever three year old. But he was a good boy. Sunday my in-laws all came over, I iced my first birthday cake (incorrectly of course) and the blended family had lunch out in the porch on a glorious autumn afternoon. My step-son carved a pumpkin with Jack, I had the camcorder going like any good grandma would, and it got me out of doing all the dishes…….

Afterwards, I took my boys to the airport, and they hugged me goodbye and even though they are 31 and 34 years old, I felt like they were my little boys that I was leaving on the steps of a boarding school. But I didn’t cry…..(mainly because they are all coming back at Christmas)…. It was a crazy week of many roles. Just like all you ladies out there keeping everyone going, everyone organized, everyone happy. I don’t know about you all, but it’s the worst paying job I’ve ever had – however the perks are pretty damn good. Jude the daughter, old lady, baggy skinned Nana, mother.