Hello dear friends….tis me….back from the dead…just when you thought I wouldn’t bother you again…..hah!
It has been several MONTHS since my weary hands hit the keyboard to write to you all. There are many reasons to explain my absence in your lives.
1. I have been busy awaiting the birth of Prince George
2. Life was not thrilling, so I couldn’t bring myself to write about it
3. I now have a dog called Sam
4. If I wrote the blog there was less time to eat
Actually, I finally quit a long-time job, and was literally chomping at the bit to have a few weeks off before I had to start the next gig….I was SOOOOOO happy! Finally some rest, a break, a well-deserved detox after a 13 year stint at the same company…..so I made plans for lunches with my girlfriends, and quickly scheduled doctor/dentist appointments while still insured…..one week into my time off I found out I had to have surgery…SURGERY???? That did not fit in with my plans….dammit!
So, the next time someone asks me how I want my eggs, I shall say “I haven’t got any now”.
I have joined the group famous for scaring grown men, a collection of women with moods that swing wilder than a drugged up hippy at an orgy. A group that could collectively fuel a nuclear bomb and melt all the ice-bergs in Antartica if they were all gathered together…..yes, I am a proud member of the Hysterectomy Gang.
No more ‘buns’ will ever cook again in this oven (a Brit saying for those confused…buns are what you get from the bakery, a rear is known as a ‘bum’). Now I get to look forward to more frequent hot-flashes and a mustache. What a delightful experience it is to be female, I mean really……can you imagine if men had to do the thing, suffer the humiliation, degradation and sheer unadulterated pain that we women have to suffer?
My poor old husband Forrest Gump, was actually pretty supportive during the whole ordeal. After the operation, when I was coming out of my drug-induced sleep he screwed up his face whenever I winced (aww). However, he could not comprehend the kind of pain that you only experience when your body has been unzipped and put back together with staples….you girls know what I am talking about….Gump couldn’t help it though, the closest he has ever come to having surgery was the colonoscopy he had at 50. But he stayed with me all day at the hospital, took me home that night, and went to work the next morning at the speed of a man being chased by someone from the IRS.
Although I was concerned about having surgery, there was also that perverse secret part of me that knew I would wake up a skinnier woman! That, and the after effects of anesthesia would also stem my appetite, yeah, this gig was going to be worth at least ten pounds…….
Boy was I wrong……Instead my tummy is now bigger than it was before – how is this possible when they took something out? Did something fall in when they weren’t looking? The 0.25 ounces of body parts that were removed have left me incapacitated enough that I have not been to the gym yet, and somehow my new lack of estrogen has made me shove anything edible into my mouth and down my throat.
But hey, overall it was a good thing, no cancer scares there for me anymore…I would rather be eggless than scared.
Life is never dull for me…..but the happy news I have, is that my new job is a shorter work week (hooray). And so now I can spend a little more time working on my real passion, Mark Wahlberg…I mean writing. I have started a new novel, and also resurrected an older story, and I am committed to writing a blog entry every Friday. It may not be particularly interesting, it might be my shopping list at Sam’s, or the daily crossword….but if the Pioneer Woman can do it (while being married to a rich ranch owning family and staying home every day so she can write a blog/recipes/take pictures) then I, Jude can be like yeast and rise to the occasion……
Please stay faithful dear friends….a huge thank you to all of you who have asked me to start the blog again…that is what motivates me the most!
Jude the reborn…….