Here we are, an old year behind us, one that seemed to whiz past like a high-speed train. And my, what a year…..I could rant about all the political unrest, a really strange election, awful wars across the world, hate radiating between people in this country, and a wobbly feeling in the pits of our bellies at what the future might bring…. but I won’t.

Then there are all the people that we have lost – from the Debbie Reynolds of this world, to the lesser mourned innocent people dying in despicable wars. But I really don’t want to ramble on and make everyone feel worse than maybe they do already. Because besides all of that, I (like you) am alive and breathing. My biggest issue today is not where to find clean drinking water, but whether I’m warming up chili or chicken and noodles for dinner. My stress level is not from losing a loved one, it’s about the housework I need to do and errands I should run. I’m a lucky individual.

I do hope you all had a very merry Christmas. Ours was a quiet one. Me and the Gumpster were alone Christmas morning, and for the first time in our relationship, we opened gifts all by ourselves. Gump did a great job this year….no saucepans, carbon monoxide detectors or kitchen utensils, but gifts I actually liked! Well, except for the fancy chili seasoning that read “To Jude, FOR Gump”…..jerk…..but it worked….I made the damned chili. It was a low-key, easy Christmas Day, only eight people to feed. But it really didn’t seem like Christmas at all. Of course, that probably had something to do with turning on the air conditioning….weird.

So it’s 2017, a date which sounds like a sci-fi movie. I feel as though I have been completely relegated into an old person. I notice it especially when populating those annoying on-line forms you get when registering for different things. You know, where you have to give your personal information, including your date of birth. Whenever I hit the drop down box to select my birth year, I have to scroll for a couple of hours just to get to 1959…..definitely makes a girl feel decrepit. Well that, and running into a couple of ex workmates you haven’t seen for about ten years, who obviously don’t recognize you at all, but politely refrain from telling you that it’s because you look like a totally different person, with your white-hair (with purple stripes) rolls of fat, and skin that needs ironing. They however, looked just the damn same but a little older….. I can’t win.

I’ve been remiss in writing the blog, and I do apologize – I’ve no excuse, other than I just haven’t felt very funny. Christmas is always tough on us ex-pats (that’s a clever word for an immigrant) as it is the hardest time to be separated from our extended families, and all the ‘old’ traditions that a person grows up with. Of course we all have sentimental memories, wherever you are from – because everyone has a past. But when living in another country, those memories seem farther away than ever. So it may sound a poor excuse for my not writing – but it is a real one for me, and also another valid reason to devour vast amounts of English sweets (candy).

Which is probably why I am now struggling with the whole diabetes crap….really? Isn’t being old and wrinkly enough? As a person ages, the number of things which bring comfort start to diminish….so that eventually, there remains only a handful of things left that genuinely bring pleasure.

Usually they are of the edible variety…(no sexual connotations please readers). I’m talking about food – namely chocolate, pastries, cakes, desserts, chips, and wine (wine is a food in my book).

As an 57 year old person, I’ve already given up smoking, drinking vodka, drinking large amounts of vodka, dancing too vigorously, jogging (ok I didn’t really jog), tight clothing, 80’s hairdos, platform shoes, stirrup pants, being even remotely attractive, and a host of other things.

And now I’m supposed to stop eating sugar…..noooooooooooooooo….. to say I’m struggling is an understatement…… and I haven’t even started cutting it out yet.

But I must, I can’t postpone the inevitable. After dancing around it for at least four years I have to bite the bullet instead of the Snickers. But it just makes me very cross. Especially when I have Cadbury’s Flakes and Turkish Delights in the freezer (popular and delicious English candy bars).

Fortunately, my order of Walker’s Crisps (chips) is en-route from the UK. I can have them because they have no sugar…..yum…..and I don’t need any of you to remind me about fat claories either…let me just have one moment of pleasure…PLEASE!

I’ve purged my wardrobe (again)…. and I’m now down to one and a half closets and have lots of spare coat hangers. For some bizarre reason, this makes me rather happy.

I’ve taken loads of stuff to resale shops and felt quite pleased getting some cash back for items that I foolishly wasted money on to begin with.

See that’s one perk of being unemployed. You get a different appreciation of money. You start looking at cash like you did back in the days when you earned an allowance – or pocket money- as we Brits call it. I used to get fifty pence a week when I was 15, it was just enough to buy myself a packet of fags (cigarettes)…..I supplemented my habit by working a Saturday job in the butcher’s department at a grocery store, where I had pig’s eyeballs thrown at me and got locked in the freezer on a regular basis……oh happy days! Well at least it was the other employees locking me in for a laugh, and not an armed robber.

Today is my big MAKING A CHANGE day, which will eventually be known as ‘The day she started looking thinner, younger and fitter.’ I spent an evening in the ER last night, (I’m fine)- but it was the kick up the arse that I needed to stop talking about the things I need to do and start doing them. Today is as good a day as any, and I encourage all of you who might be in the same boat as me to do the same. The ship is sailing right now, destination is towards improvement, and no chocolate allowed (gasp…am I really writing this?)

All aboard – and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Cap’n Jude