Happy New Year….wait…happy April Fool’s day…yeah, that’s the ticket.

posted in: Health, Social Media, Writing | 0

It has been an age since I said hello – though perhaps no one even noticed?????

I have not written the old bloggeroo….It’s not that I haven’t thought about it, but because I’ve had my head stuck in TWO book edits.

Ah, I hear you say, how bloody exciting is that? Well it’s not – think watching the same movie over and over and over…..with no Bill Murray, you get the gist right?

But I am making progress. You know launching a much-desired career as a published writer is tantamount to…

  • Giving up Cadbury’s chocolate
  • Becoming President
  • Losing ALL the weight I need to lose
  • Getting a date with Chris Hemsworth
  • Being able to chew (and swallow) peas, carrots, broccoli, cabbage, turnips, beetroot

So, 2019…..good grief, how the hell did that happen? I wasn’t really feeling that old until I saw posts on Facebook about the age of movies I first watched as a young adult. How can Grease be 40 years old? The Breakfast Club is 41…how depressing!

April, and surely by now we’ve all screwed up our New Year’s resolutions, right?

If you haven’t (you gloating swines), I don’t want to hear about it – your successes will not dictate how worthless I feel about how I have failed my own – ok, I don’t even make resolutions anymore, other than trying not to be too bitchy to Gump. The truth is I consider it an accomplishment just making it into the new year still alive and kicking (knee joints permitting) and feeling glad I’m not dead….yet…

Speaking of death, if you are reading this then you are alive, and for that I am very grateful. If/when/should I ever become a published author, I am counting on you to purchase at least one copy of my book(s).

Okay – it’s been a while since I wrote, I survived turning 59, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the new year, Pancake day… and blew through the following

  • Pretend to be a time traveler Day (December 8) not to be confused with another December 8 day, my personal favourite…..Take It In The Ear Day
  • Old Rock Day (January 5)
  • Nothing Day (January 6)
  • Do a Grouch a Favour Day (February 16)
  • ……..And we have March 28th ‘Something on a Stick day’ to look forward to! I’m all anticipation………(well I was at the time of writing this)

Surprisingly, there has not been too much going on in Gumpytown. Gump is sounding more like Gomer Pyle everyday, there are times I actually think he is putting that accent on, and then I realise he isn’t, and I am married to him…sigh.

Gump is editing my first book – just reading that makes me squirm – Gump aka Yee Haw/Andy Griffith and Scraggy from Scooby-Doo is editing my work – eek!

As much as I hate to admit it, he’s doing a pretty good job with it overall. Most of his suggestions are actually worthy of a re-write, he is a slooooow reader and very detail oriented, which is great. It takes him roughly two hours to read one chapter. He has a clip board, notepaper and a red pen. After each session, we meet at the dining table to discuss his suggestions.

He’s a good editor, but a lousy, no a horrible communicator. Every time we go over the chapter he has read we end up squabbling. It is not what he tells me about the particular piece he is critiquing, but HOW he says it. There are also comments scibbled on the manuscript like:

“gag” (translation – a bit too introspective)

“ugh” (physical contact) and lots of lines through any rough language – doesn’t like cussing etc.

Eloquent descriptive adjectives are notated with “don’t like this word” (translation – he had to look it up because he didn’t know what it meant) –

Fortunately, my second book, a mystery set in the Victorian era, is targeted to a female audience (translation – intelligent). With Gump’s slightly skewed approach to romance and sophistication, he’s not getting anywhere near this book.

Since I last wrote, we have had no actual disasters, neither one of us got the flu, though I did lose my voice for a few days which counted as an early Christmas present for Gump.

Speaking of the holidays……He did a great job with Christmas gifts this year. Well, except for the paint-by-numbers kit I had put on my wish list.

It was a silly, nostalgic request for something I used to love doing as an eleven year-old. I adored painting colourful scenes, or flowers and butterflies etc. They had some pretty cool kits back in the day….. (I also wore hot pants)

Gump bought me a kit for Christmas! However, it was a scene depicting a fisherman, the entire colour palette varying shades of brown (even the water and sky).

As a fisherman himself, Gump seemed to get an inordinate amount of pleasure at my appalled expression when I opened the gift. Consequently it went straight to the thrift store.

I did not kill him because he bought me a Surface Pro and no kitchen utensils/gadgets.

My continual battle with trying to be thin is waning, here is the current score.

me= zilch – thyroid gland= the winner …….who knew glands could be little buggers yet wield such power? The word gland – it is a weird word.

Thyroid….we all have one and they are a pain in the arse – well technically they reside in your neck. However, it is apparent to me, that in the past couple of years a thyroid imbalance is a new buzz word to explain any ailment. This is usually by doctors who can’t be bothered figuring out what is really wrong with our health.

Headache…. it’s your thyroid

Tired……it’s your thyroid

Nightsweats…thyroid

Insomnia…….thyroid

Funky heartbeat…it’s your thyroid, honest.

Car won’t start….thyroid

…and the list goes on.

Can you believe how social media is becoming so hostile? Funny, I used to get so fed up with reading all the Facebook comments like

‘Cecil is drinking tea at Nellie’s cafe’ or ‘Fred is having a pedicure at the clip shop’ –

but now there is such division on FBook….. I’d give anything to return to those annoying and mundane comments. At least it wasn’t stressful knowing your mates were getting their hair done or scratching their respective bums.

I have finally decided to embrace Twitter – well that’s a bit of a stretch really, because I am still trying to figure out how it works…..if you want to become a well-known author, other than actually writing something worthy of reading you must also become a marketing and advertising specialist. This is quite a leap for someone like me with short legs – but a necessary evil if I ever want to become anything other than Mrs. Gump/mum/nana/aunt bob

Not to say I do not love being in these roles, but it’s now or never.

So friends/family/readers/ex co-workers and even people who dislike me – if you see a follow on my website/twitter/facebook page please please please click on the button! This encourages the powers that be to believe you all really do like my writing……if you have to put down an email address to follow me, don’t worry, it’s not going to India or China – it just goes on my mailing list so I can bug you when I have a new post….

I don’t want to coerce you into doing this…but I will remember you when I sell the movie rights to my stories and can bring you all to the premiere…….:-)

Got to go….time to tweet……though I don’t feel like a little bird, more like carrion (gump thinks that’s a backpack you take on a plane)

Later

jude –

P.S. I do check this for typos etc. but I am almost 60 and I miss stuff –