Hooray! It’s Friday!!!! Another week another wrinkle……

Hello all, I hope you have had a great week!

I had a wonderful weekend last week post-blog, as I threw a birthday party for Forrest Gump, a Mexican themed party to be exact. I was so organized… I’d been planning the menu for several days (well at least in my head….). So Friday, (after writing the blog) I went out and dragged my sorry arse to Sam’s, WalMart , the Liquor Store, the party supply store….I bought a bunch of food, prepped loads of it, then stuck it out in the garage fridge feeling very proud of myself

Things were great until the next morning, when we discovered the fridge door had swung wide open (bloody leftover pizza boxes!) and all the food ruined. Nothing like a repeat shopping trip hours before the event. It was like Groundhog Day…….Aagghh!

But the party was fun. Gump was on cloud Margarita the entire night, and my feet hurt for the next 2 days…..yep a success alright.

Monday, I rejoined MyFitnessPal.com for the THIRD time – this time I even created a new Yahoo account so I could be incognito and they wouldn’t remember me being such a failure. I could start again with a clean slate, and stop getting those obnoxious massive font text messages on my page saying “IT’S BEEN FIFTY-ONE DAYS SINCE YOU LAST LOGGED IN”

I also got rid of my Facebook account, because truthfully, I never really got into it in the first place, and seldom wrote anything….also I made the decision that I want all my words to be on a blog/book/website….ok, the truth is that I actually have no friends, so nobody visited my page except for people from High School that I never liked, and perverts with a penchant for chubby women…

So I have a new identity on a dieting website, and no identity within the realms of social media, other than this, my heartfelt blog!

Last night, Forrest amazed me by actually taking me out on a date. I shit you not dear readers….a DATE…I was so thrilled, it wasn’t even my birthday…. I decided I should share the evening with you (lucky ducks)……

  • 5:30pm The official invitation to go out to a movie and dinner (after my moaning about never going anywhere)
  • 6:15pm Rendezvous at the house, realize we don’t have time to eat pre-movie, so down a quick drinkypoo (so far, so good)
  • 6:45pm En route to see “Pacific Rim” a “Godzilla” type boy movie (oh well you can’t win them all)
  • 7:05pm Arrive at IMAX, to find that the movie is no longer playing, even though it is still advertised on their website….(I am secretly relieved)…we turn to leave (hooray) and are suddenly approached by two elderly guys. At first I think they are Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I get nervous as they are the only other people in the foyer (except the rude little shit who said the movie wasn’t on anymore)…these old guys had driven all the way from Porter, Oklahoma to see this particular movie, and so now they are both extremely disappointed.
  • 7:07pm I remember I have a smart phone, and actually manage to look up another Cinema where they can see the movie. I feel I have done my good deed for the day as they are so happy, and then Gumpster says “Let’s go, we’re going too!”
  • 7:45pm After adverts and previews that have been playing for 30 minutes….the movie begins…old guys are sitting right behind us and are smiling….
  • 7:49pm I can already tell this will be the longest 2 hours of my entire life
  • 7:50pm A root canal would be more enjoyable
  • 7:51pm Giving birth would be more enjoyable
  • 8:00pm Bathroom break
  • 8:15pm Gump turns to me and says “This is a really bad movie”
  • 8:30pm It just gets worse
  • 8:45pm And worse
  • 9:45pm It’s over!!! And we say goodbye to our old guy friends and leave the theatre.

Heading back towards home, we discuss how awful the movie was, and I make a point of telling Gump that as it was actually MY date, it is interesting that he picked the movie (he always picks the movie). I also comment that every movie we see usually has





The largest MALE audience you will see outside a porno show

Gump laughs nervously, he doesn’t know if I am angry or just hormonal. He turns away from the direction to the house, and informs me that although it is late, he still wants to buy me dinner….awwwwww………At I.H.O.P…..you know, the romantic place people always go when they want to eat grease and feel sorry for the poor bastards that have to work there….yeah, that place…..We perused the menu, and Gump was delighted that at 58, he could save 22 cents on a 2 egg breakfast….by the time the food arrived, I was ready to let him wear the bloody two egg breakfast. And then, after a horrid meal, a terrible movie, he then did the ‘guy’ thing where he proceeded to wind me up, because he thinks it’s funny that I ‘have such interesting expressions when I get angry’. He sits across the table shovelling pancakes down his gullet, and can barely swallow because he is giggling so much. As you can imagine dear friends….my reactions were not pretty…..

So, to all of you ladies out there who are single and bemoaning the fact that you wish you had a guy to take you out once in a while. Please contact me immediately as I have someone that will be available henceforth….

Jude with indigestion…..